Goddammit, Obama.

While some on the left relentlessly criticize President Obama for not immediately shooting free marijuana and organic bullets for soldiers out of his armpits as soon as he took office, I’ve remained content mostly because I’d never risk the chance of letting a woman who thinks Jesus wants us to blow up Canada for its socialized medicine near the nuclear arm codes.

Until now.

Here’s Paris Hilton walking out of a non-exploded plane on American soil last night after being kicked out of Japan and illustrating exactly why people think liberals are soft on national security. Well, you know what? Fuck it, I’m done. Someone get me Sarah Palin’s stance on herpes prevention. I know she’s anti-condom, but I also know for a fact she’s pro-grizzly bear. I can work with that.